I'm the type of person that avoids talking to new people because I want to do what's in their best interest, and if it seems like I may bother them, I try my best to steer clear. It isn't that I personally find myself unpleasant, because I really don't. I find myself to try put others' thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and ideas before mine...even before I've met them. On the outside, because I try to take in everything and everyone, I come across as rather awkward upon first impression.
I feel like this is somehow the curse of being an introvert. As an introvert, I'm always contemplating...and that crosses over into social ventures as well. So, yeah, I'm sitting silently, and I look lonely in doing so, but I'm more than aware of everything that's going on around me. (And thus, I'm a tad socially awkward.)
It almost feels as if I'm wearing a mask, and the mask comes off when I'm with somebody I love, or when I think of something funny, or when I'm driving alone and I find myself singing at the top of my lungs along with the radio. Honestly, I can't survive without this mask. It allows me to survive, it's a part of who I am.
I'm quite sure we all have our own mask that we wear at different times around different people. I don't think the mask that we all wear is an awful sort of mask, I think it's more of a mask that's always been there, since we were born. There are, of course, awful masks as well.
I do not wear my mask to hide. I wear my mask because that's who I am.
Sometimes, I really wonder whether I'm making any sense...it's so difficult to write my thoughts most days...Also, this might be a product of my recent Phantom of the Opera obsession...I don' even know. Just smile and wave, and pretend I made sense...or don't. Okay, I'm silencing myself now.
(I feel like that last paragraph is proof I'm awkward.)
