In My Own Way

     Well, I'm back. I'm going to get more than one post in for this month *high fives self*. I love to blog, I promise, but good blogging subjects, motivation, and time rarely come at the same time...or maybe I'm just making excuses.

      For as long as I can remember, I've always embraced being a little odd, a little bit too loud, and a tad too thoughtful some days...but I never thought that it would stand in my way.
      I guess for almost forever, I've been afraid that I was so odd, so different, so very inconsistent in vocal volume that I wasn't worth knowing...at least not to everyone. Now, I'm not saying that I dislike myself, because I love who I am. I just thought that I was too weird for most people, while, in truth, I'm not.
      To understand what exactly what I'm getting at here, we have to realize that everyone is a bit odd, a bit too loud, or a bit too quiet, or maybe they have a weird fetish for candles or something. Those little oddities are what makes all of awesome. The problem is that we believe we need to hide how odd we are, but why? What's the point, really?
      Now (on a note that may seem unrelated but I promise it isn't), I hate when my friendliness is mistaken for flirting, but I think I fear it more than I hate it. I fear that that's what any boy is going to think if I talk to him. It honestly drives me nuts. On the flip side though, I think what it was is that I was just telling myself that I was too odd for any guy to find interesting...even as a friend. I mean, I'm not talking forever alone, but sometimes boys my age are very confusing...and, I mean, let's face it, girls are always confusing, so boys should be able to confusing for at least one faze of their life, right? Back to the point, you should just throw the idea that you're not interesting to guys out the window, because you're probably really funny or something, and guys enjoy a good laugh, sooooooo...
       Anyway, I was afraid of me for so long, and it's time for me to suck it up and deal. If I can do it, so can you. We can't go our whole lives stuck in this hole of fear that our oddities aren't worth getting to know. Throw that idea out of the window, darling, because it's not going to get you anywhere important. 
      By the way, I'm 400% sure that I've made most to no sense here, but maybe someday it'll click with you. At least, I hope so.

I Wish I Could Write Longer Posts

     I'm not going to address the fact about how long I've been away, but yea, here goes my post.

     Lately, I've been noticing more and more that nothing, I mean nothing happens the way you think it's going to. Somehow, I've noticed this more and more in my life recently. It's as if when I think of how something will go in my head, God's like, "Nope." and he changes everything up.
     These things that don't happen the way I hope them to, are very minor, minor things, but somehow I feel silly for thinking up how they're going to be when there's really no point. Of course, all of the little days and events that I imagined up first seemed to all turn out for the better. It's just odd to realize how much thought I put into future events.
     For example, today I have to work, today is the only day that I'm scheduled to work this week because the season is coming to a fast close. I'm going to be honest with you and say that I'm dreading it. I know that everything will go fine though, because it always does, so really I need pull out my one of my favorite bible verses (Matthew 6:34) to remind myself that it's all quite pointless.
     This is one of those things that You've probably heard a gazillion times in your life, and, quite frankly, so have I...but somehow the things we hear over and over again don't really gain their meaning until the time is right.
     
     On a side note, I really wish I could write longer posts.